Friday, January 21, 2011

Part 3 - Catharsis

Finally I present you with the next part of the story. I hope you (or at least some of you) do remember the series.
For those who've missed out on the earlier parts :-
Part 2 - Am I a stalker now?
____

People are afraid of dying a lovelorn death. Of plunging headfirst into the bottomless pit of self-pity and loneliness and never being able to emerge out of it. Of having to wake up every morning without the comforting thought of having someone by their side.
Of living a life devoid of a purpose.
And what am I afraid of?
I'm not sure.
Mirrors never lie do they?
I squint at the person staring at me from the other end of the solid sheet of glass. With the dishevelled hair and the partly sunken eyes, the girl looks vaguely familiar.

I flop on to the bed, a sudden surge of exhaustion seeping into every pore of my tired limbs, numbing all my other senses, lulling me into a trance-like state where I lose track of time. But sleep still eludes me.
Working odd shifts at the convenient store till I could barely stand on my two legs anymore, always made me feel good about myself. It gave me a sense of accomplishment like no other.
But some how that feeling of contentment seems to be a thing of the distant past, something that will only be preserved as a sliver of memory now.
Nothing makes me feel alive anymore.

I reach out for my purse on the other side of the bed.
I'll go out, enjoy a quiet smoke and rid my mind of such pointless thoughts.
'Avni, you mustn't.'
His voice chides me.

I would never smoke again. Even though I didn't keep any of the other promises I made to him, I have to keep this one.
And just like that you know you've reached the end point of your self-restraint, that iron resolve of yours that you prided yourself on.
You cry like a newborn baby, defenseless and utterly lost.
You know exactly when and why things have gone wrong. You know you can no longer live in denial.
For you've always known what you were afraid of.
I was afraid of falling in too deep.
I was the fool who never realized that she was already.....in too deep.
__

---> Part 4 - Rewind

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